I had no idea that dream would be Zouk Refugio

Tears of joy. The last time I cried was about 16 months ago, when I made the rather "impulsive" and illogical decision to turn down an opportunity to a far more lucrative job. I had been working only a few hours; this would demand far more of my attention, and there would be no room left to build Zouk Refugio. At the time Zouk Refugio was starting to pivot into immersions after we decided not to be a hostel / small school for group classes. I had big dreams, no clear vision, but the felt certainty that if I took the promotion, there wouldn't be space to build Refugio, and I would spend my time building a business that I didn't believe in — to make money that I was just accumulating.

I've always had money saved, for some vague idea that I would buy a house, but I could never find a place where I could see myself settling down for a 30-year mortgage. I told myself that I would hold that money to one day fund something special, a dream.

I had no idea that dream would be Zouk Refugio.

When I found out from my landlord that we needed to move out because he wanted to charge double rent for nonexistent potential clients, we had to bust our ass to find another place. I looked at a thousand listings and went to dozens of places to find THE house. The pool, the view overlooking São Paulo, the raw potential in all the suites that the place had, the co-working, even the large area that could be a dance school which already had a bar. The place was perfect. Except it needed a LOT of work and there were competing offers. The entire time we were getting bullied on terms for the renovation. For two months we negotiated and it was never clear whether we would get the place. Because I was a gringo, I had to offer a much higher deposit and more guarantees — and in exchange I received nothing. Even on the structural renovations the house needed, which the owner was legally obligated to fix, he would not budge. But I knew in my body that we would NOT find another place as nice as this one.

We fortunately signed for the house only to discover one surprise problem after another. The water tank was bad, there were leaks throughout the house — hundreds of thousands of dollars extra that we did not foresee. Thank God I saved and invested for so long, so that we could afford to bring this place back to life. Meanwhile, we were building and shooting content every day, facing community backlash from lighthearted and greatly misinterpreted jokes. Many nights of planning, working until early morning, skipping meals (because I forgot to eat and was too focused), never missing a day of deliverables. Then working on the investor visa, waiting for clients to come in, building the team, and improving our processes, because we want to provide the BEST zouk learning experience possible. A program for dance that frankly does not exist, not only in social dance but in other tangential scenes like martial arts. All thought from first principles down, with no guarantee that we could sell.

For this entire time, I have not missed a single paycheck to my employees, nor have I made a single dollar for myself. My family doesn't understand what I do, nor do they care to know, and frankly I've missed weddings of good friends because I couldn't leave the country nor miss work. I have maybe missed two zouk socials during this entire time, though I have cut back a bit on my training. For fun I would listen to podcasts on business, and read books on humor (yes, I studied how to be funny) because I knew this is what gets shared.

After 16 months of no money, no guarantee, fighting discrimination, fighting landlords and lawyers and misunderstandings, we are finally moving — from the house where it all started, with a spray-painted logo, some mirrors, a floor, and a few plants, to a new, much larger location where we really can make a difference in the world of zouk, with a team of passionate Zoukers here in Brazil. What a joy to be alive, to have the chance to make a positive difference for the people here, the community, and the worldwide zouk community.

I feel so grateful and blessed that I fought for myself and my dreams. Through all the years, I kept searching, even when I knew I was lost, never letting go of the hope that I would one day find something real — something true to me, and my own. Today I have realized that dream. There is still so much work to be done, but I have found friends to dream with, to create with, and to fight with. I have gained so much more than I thought was possible. I feel extremely blessed and privileged, and I know I have earned it. Since the moment I decided to quit my finance job to open my Tae Kwon Do school, much to my parents' dismay. To shutting down that Tae Kwon Do school six years later due to a back injury. To breaking up with my girlfriend shortly after and moving into my parents' house, a broken soul, without dreams. To recovering and healing myself with therapy, and taking a sales job in tech. To getting here — everything was connected. Everything built me into the man I needed to be to have the strength to do what I am doing now. I don't know what the future holds — but it feels like nothing I could have ever imagined.

I am crying in joy at my own fortune.